Don't Weaponize Attachment Theory

you don’t choose your attachment style! It’s a mix of natural temperament and how you learned to reach for protection, safety & love based on your unique lived experience & family/environmental patterns.

yes, people can change and grow from any insecure attachment into secure attachment - however that takes time, energy & money - different people have different access to that

AND people have the misinterpretation that secure attachment means you never have emotional behavior or that you’re perfectly emotionally calm & perfectNaur. It means that you are able to be present and attuned. Your reactions & behavior make sense with the circumstances that you're in

Secure attachment is about congruence

When there’s a situation that violates your boundaries, with secure attachment, it makes sense if ur pissed !!! like. Secure attachment is about congruency. And everyone has insecurities & a direction they sway if they their attachment wounds are activated

anyways. back to the original point. People can’t didn’t choose their attachment style or patterns consciously. It’s just a part of being human. attachment theory is super helpful in understanding relational dynamics & personal wounds. it helps us find words and labels to name our experiences, feelings, thoughts and life patterns.

It’s not something to overly identify with. It’s not something to weaponize and use it against ppl. It’s not a punitive tool. It’s a framework and system for understanding.

Attachment theory is often paired with Nervous system regulation, Polyvagal theory, Somatics - a bottom up approach, Internal Family Systems & Relationship Psychology

also, the attachment styles are more dynamic like a spectrum rather than linear, either/or